Meaningless questions.....

"Não é incrível como decisões aparentemente insignificantes, tomadas numa fracção de segundo, podem mudar o curso de uma vida?"
Katy Gardner in Viagem sem Regresso, pág. 15

This sentence, from the book I am reading at the moment, made me realize that there are so many more things that we don't know....
Is it worthy to argue about them....or is it meaningless? Probably the easiest way would be not thinking about them...allowing things to float like a cannonball. But, do we want the simplest ways?
Is balance related to not questioning? I believe so. Questioning unbalances us because when we question something we want, most of the times, an answer. These things I am referring to have no answers...they happen because they have to , but why is this? I can't avoid the formulation of the question, although I know I will never get the answer.
This makes me laugh...it seems I am playing some game which excites me, not allowing me to stop playing it.
I truly feel this post makes no sense, but I couldn't avoid writing it. In a psycholinguistic perspective I am simply translating my thoughts to language.

Egomet

"The heart metaphor..."

What soul is this that has a voice, that speaks by itself, even when is not asked to do so? Can we consider incoherence some moments of emotion denial? Sometimes I feel incoherent due to my efforts to abolish feelings, when in fact I know that nothing is possible without feelings, love, emotion, passion. I truly get disappointed with myself when I am not able to abolish all these things, thoughts...that break the harmony of my Reason. Are there more human beings thinking the way I do...or am I trying to do something impossible?
I know all these kinds of things are part of life but since I want balance I have to try to abolish them...because they unbalance me....I try to care only about daily emotions and feelings, not the deep ones.
Here comes incoherence again....why sometimes when I am alone...in some kind of "noisy silence" I fall into a deep unhappiness without apparent cause...
Is my Soul speaking against my Reason...trying to say that something is not the way it should be? This makes no sense because I feel just fine the way everything is.
These behaviors intrigue me, in the sense that I feel I cannot control them, they are away from my control, I cannot plan them the way I would like to.
It is like I don't know myself when I have to speak about emotion. I know my other part...Reason. Why is this when both parts were supposed to live homeostatically side by side??

"Eu era a voz dessa minha antiga alma. E ela, à medida que consumava o seu amor, lá, onde eu não podia vê-la, ia-me iniciando através da dor do abandono. Por isso ninguém podia amar-me enquanto eu ia sabendo do amor. E eu mesma também não amava.(...)
E ali fiquei à espera. Acordava com a aurora, se é que adormecera. E supunha que já tinha chegado, eu, ela, ele...saía o sol e o dia caía como uma condenação sobre mim. Não, ainda não."

María Zambrano. (1993). A metáfora do Coração. pág. 146


Egomet

As Fontes

"As fontes
Um dia quebrarei todas as pontes
Que ligam o meu ser vivo e total,
À agitação do mundo do irreal,
E calma subirei até às fontes.
Irei até às fontes onde mora
A plenitude, o límpido esplendor
Que me foi prometido em cada hora,
E na face incompleta do amor.
Irei beber a luz e o amanhecer,
Irei beber a voz dessa promessa
Que às vezes como um voo me atravessa,
E nela cumprirei todo o meu ser."

Sophia de Mello Breyner Anderson in "Poesia", 1944

Egomet

Volcanoes....

Are we restful volcanoes waiting for a moment to explode??? I don't know but it seems so. I believe that there is a volcano inside each of us...some are extinct...but others don't, they are just falling asleep and when we less expect they explode. I see lava as our anger when we get mad about something. I argue for self-control, but not always it is possible. The way I perceive life and everything around me depends somehow on the way I deal with people around me and with things which happen to people I like. It truly messes me when something is not the way I thought it to be. But...all these things are part of ourselves, in the sense that they always teach us something. I must confess, as well, that curiosity rules my life...in the sense that all the time I want to learn something new. I disapprove monotony...calmness...absolute quietness...I need something pushing me to somewhere, and I believe this has to do with my need of some healthy stress...excitation on doing something I like. I need to feel I like what I am doing...otherwise I get disappointed with myself. I never get satisfied with something I did...all the time I want more...I want the best...I truly want to improve my performance.
However....sometimes things are not the way I expected them to be, and I believe it is so due to my own behavior. We can always improve.

"What is life?"
"Resembles Life what once was held of Light,
Too ample in itself of human sight?
An absolute Self - an element ungrounded
All, that we see, all colours of all shade

By encroach of darkness made?
Is very life by consciousness unbounded?
And all the thoughts, pains, joys of mortal breath,
A war-embrace of wrestling Life and Death?"

Samuel Coleridge (1805)

Egomet

Discovering myself....

Will I ever be successful in all things I do???
Amazingly, I have the answer to this question, which is NO. If I could be successful in everything I do I would be complete...But I don't feel I am. Even if it is hard for me to accept...deep inside my being I know I am not. In a romantic way of speaking I feel I miss the other part of me...which is probably lost in this world...or it does not even exist. For me, tobe writing this is a contrasense because I have been always trying to abolish such kind of feelings...thoughts...needs. Why??? Probably because I feel it is the best way I found to survive. My rational being tells me I don't need the other part...but the emotional one says I must search for it...I don't agree with my emotional consciousness because most of the time I don't miss the other part. The few moments of my life I think about this make me realize this os not what rules my life. But...should it rule??? I don't know...I am looking for answers...
Why do I say and oblige myself to believe I don't care about things such as love, passion, desire??? Probably to do not get disappointed. I have realized, in the past years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds, that I am afraid of disappointment, of suffering, of my own reactions....
Obviously...for someone who reads this...it seems I am not a human being, in the sense that I try to abolish what all human beings are looking for.
Doubt persists
Egomet